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Dear Reader,

Fifty-two years ago yesterday, my parents put pen to paper on a decision that would be a topic of conversation for the rest of my life.

My parents named me Susan Beth, with every intention of calling me Beth from day one.

So for the first 29 years of my life I was Susan Beth Wolfmeyer. I blissfully ignored any related confusion in my early years – I assume my parents just registered me as Beth for most things. When I was older and needed to use my legal name, things got dicey.

In college classes I started every class with “I’m here. I go by Beth.”

I told doctors to mark my file, but they rarely (if ever) remembered.

In 2002 I got married and changed my last name. Given that it was a legal name change, this was my opportunity to drop Susan and make things easier on myself. But I couldn’t do it. I had been Susan Beth for 29 years and I wasn't willing to give it up, doctors-be-dammed.

So I’m now Susan Beth Cocuzza, and the issues continue. In the last 20+ years I have had only two doctors (ironically both dentists) remember consistently that I go by Beth. It doesn’t seem that hard, does it? To make a note on my file of my preferred name? I answer to Susan and I don’t make an issue about it, but I sure do notice and appreciate it when someone remembers.

Listen. I get it, I’m just one of many patients doctors see. But it sure doesn't make me feel seen or known in any way, when someone I see regularly can’t remember what I prefer to be called. It’s a barrier to trust, for sure.

In the process of purchasing our new home, I had a new issue come up, and this one REALLY got me fired up. The financial institution who processed our mortgage application not only ignored the Susan part of my name, they entered me into their system as Elizabeth. They just made an assumption that my name must be Elizabeth. Because it went into a computer system, it resulted in weeks of requests to sign paperwork as Elizabeth Cocuzza. Each time the paperwork changed hands, the issue resurfaced. Now THIS, I made a big deal about.

How do you just change someone’s name like that without verifying your assumptions?

Let’s be clear. I was pissed. And I am completed aware that this is NOTHING compared to what others in the world have to go through when their name is “unfamiliar.” It’s one reason I ask people to pronounce their name for me when I first meet them and then ask them if I am saying it right until they confirm that I am.

Names are important. If we don’t get them right, we send strong messages that the people we are talking to don’t matter. It’s such a simple move to get it right, and the ROI is huge.

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Picture Book Recommendation

Last week I shared a clip from Luvvie Ajayi James newsletter, the Luvv Letter. Ajayi James is the author of five books – two adult books, one YA, and two picture books. Her most recent children’s book was released in early May: Little Troublemaker Defends Her Name. It’s such a cute and important story! My children aren't the picture book readers they once were (LOL) so I bought it for a friend and donated some copies for a classroom on the west coast through Luvvie’s “book train.”

Wishing you a peaceful and purpose-filled week,

Beth

P.S. Got a happy birthday email from the mortgage broker yesterday. "Dear Elizabeth," Ok dude, we are done here. Unsubscribe.

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